BLAck_cherriES

Exams are long over.
Reading and running help sustain me.

(and God)

My emotional crutch. is how sum pple view these elements that can be oh so fundamental to the lives of some. Some pple that hold on to and cling on to these life giving forces. ..one or a particular collection of them, in combination, to get thru life.

hate the sound of that phrase. my emotional crutch. im sure i dunt have one.. right now,emotions are running SO high i that anythin i latch on to make me feel even jus the slihgtest bit better, gets the honour of that despicable title. .. then again, the world we live in is a kaleidoscope of definitions. ..LOVE hate fEAR spiRIT kNOWLEDGe Memory intelligence ConteMPT jealousy .. intangible feelings and ideas, for which we have invented a smorgasbord of definitions. everyone defines them differently, and uniquely .. and there’s no way of telling if what i FEEL is that of what you identify with.

its obvious that my thots are getting the better of me again. Maybe its the alcohol and the partying last nite.

There was a making in progress.

it ended abruptly.. by someone with authority to do so.

the things that life spring on you do take you by surprise, and i have not learnt.. stil not learnt, even after being given a massive lesson on the perils of life (and love) just not long ago. when i will i learn? will i ever learn.. ? there is much to learn, and i need to learn how to constantly stay on my toes.

I had a feeling of inadequacy. The type of inadequacy feeling that can eat any1 up. an inadequacy stemming from the fact that the halted process was, at least in part, my fault. .. but was it reali?? i guess i will never know. think i’d rather not know.

i am disappointed. at how every1 puts on a facade.why dont pple jus expose themselves for who they are? why the insecure need to hide the likeness of one’s true self… i am disappointed in sum1. In whom i thot i saw the true representation of whats inside.

i was wrong. it was a facade. And this post is certainly messed up, like my messed up sense of reasoning.

back from a short nite out with sum mates. it was fun im driving illegally whee i so shudnt be doin this but ah well.. all for a cause. only to hang out with christine the one time she can party cuz her mom’s out of town. there, a cause big enuff to b driving the streets of town at 3 am on a learners haha. i even dropped my gud fren NICk hme

shud be off to bed now that its almost 4 in the morning.jus felt like post for no reason.. im a happie happYYy girl who is.. happy hehe im loving how life ’s new avenues are jus waiting to be explored, and ive jus lifted the veil that’s been keeping it all hidden from my view. HAHA i love this.

a lighter shade of yellow. like a painter who coats his canvas with the backdrop for a sunrise.

been boardin hard on the slopes, and learning. realised my boots are waAYy too big for me to do my turns proper.damn.gotta get new ones that actually fit, whcih i ‘l only afford to do nxt season.which means i nid new bindings too. This season saw me suffer the usual collection of bodily bruises + a sprained wrist + one massive ugly blister on the back of my left heel from the boots being waAYy too big .. LOL i loved it all tho.once i get into new gear that fit, i’l be riping the slopes apart *wink*

semester break’s bn gud to me oh yes. but its ending.. haha nuthing is bursting my bubble now. Ren and i invented some new words playing while playing scrable at RA bar.LOL~ ‘zitrope’ is to not do anything, and ‘reune’ is to do sumthing (productive, that is).. hence, ‘i zitroped today’ means i did nuthin today. and ‘i am reuning’ means i am doin sumthin ..etc etc.

rite now I’M ZITROPing.i’d better go reune and sleep instead, its more productive. HAHA.

I’d have to say that baileys and rum make a surprisingly gud combination. So do chicken tikka and fried rice!! Ha well, life is indeed full of colours when we embrace our cravings for change and experimentation. i hav not done this in a long long time.. and am starting to love it now that ive discovered my new craving. certainly, my long-time well suppressed ability is coming back to life. guys (& girls), welcome to the new life of elizabeth, one that is devoid of boredom and filled with self-dictated adventures.

i wanna learn to drive a manual, and Ray will b teaching me soon! i wanna get back into swimming, now that ive found a partner to go with. I am goin snowboarding every season; i am in love with the sport. can’t wait for the slopes!

SNOW* came down on us today in bucket-fulls. Hmm, seems like a wierd metaphor for snow, but oh well, snow/rain/sleet .. all moisture from above. hopped on my board outside and relished the thril i get from riding the slopes. i felt incredibly silly, and my poor board suffered a scratch or two, but all well worth it. i remember once more how gud it all feels.

my cravings for life are again starting strong. all that wil happen.. for now, onto Grey’s =p

i am going 2 b blogging a lot of late.. watch out world.

right now, it is the release i can hav, without having to keep up with the barrage of txts to and fro with various people, friends (friends who care *smile*), i’m exhausted with trying to keep that up. It is the only release i have, without needing to have a heart to heart with sumone, without having to completely spill my guts in unintelligible speech. its the only thing that can keep me busy.. busy enuff to not lapse into another wave of dreaded despair. i dont want to. no longer.

i am doing sumthin active with my *… #@%~* brain (no profanities here, sorry, this is a public site). i am almost sick and tired of living like this, its been a long, LONG two days, and i am ready to start not giving a shit. i have to and i wil.

Watched bak to back episodes of grey’s anatomy season 2 (yes i am abit slow with the trend). stopped after 4 episodes. hmm, 20 to go. Not bad, plenty of time to keep myself occupied. plenty of time to slowly lull away the decaying sense of self that has completely engulfed me. there’s only so much of tv you can take, when you feel like this. Now to work 2wards cleaning up my messed up insides.lol. shud be interesting if taken literally.

its true, i havn’t been updating.. sigh, its cold, freezing and miserable at this time of the year, and the weather does perfectly match my mood rite now.. its been a shitte week. i can only hope it will improve.

Im going snowboarding next week!! its goin to be AWE-SUM!! totally. *smile smile smile*

things hav been to serious to blog about lately.. my creative juices hav run dry. sigh. no i am not taking the extra paper next semester, and no im not happy or dandy like life should be.. exams were a lil disappointingly scheduled this time, and i have a slim chance of making it in to what i want to do in uni next year.. *gloom gloom gloom*

I’ve jus started going to church home groups on wednesday nites, and def looking forward to the next mitin.. YAY ^^

my love life is teetering on the verge of a high cliff, and im not sure if it will remain balanced for long.. trying to fix it, and i reali need a remedy for broken feelings and messed up emotions. HELLO?!! sigh. doctor?! can i get a doctor in here please, i think we’re losing me….. …. ….   ……. ……. …. PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeepppp……. (ECG shows a straight line) yupp we’ve lost her. too bad.

is there stil anythin i can look forward to? i hope every solution has a problem. mayb i’l look forward to that. but for now, i am stranded in a forest, with no way out.

save me!!? please. sumone.

prison.break.orientation2007.is.over. PHEW! not that it would matter
much to a typical 3rd year Bsc student, majoring in biochemistry and,
quite possibly, in pharmacology too. (if i  were 2add jus 1 other
pharmacology paper nex semester, i’l graduate the end of this year wit
a double major) And whether i do so or not, is entirely up to how i
perform this semester. wow *excitin*

yes the reason i was relieved 4 orientation 2 b over, was
that i no longer hav to stay up all nite at RE:Fuel(the uni student
bar), collecting glassware and mixing up V and
Vodka/Jagermeister/Malibu etc. doubles and entertaining drunk guys
tellin me to feel-up their mates’ non-existant biceps … *shiver*

to sum it up, bar-work was annoying, but fun at times.And i mus sae
dis-assembling the dish washer to scrub it out was NOT a high point of
my career, expeshally since no one’s bothered to clean it out since the
bar started business this year *yuck*

now that terms started, i fill my weeks up wit tryin to get to my 10 am
lectures on time (stil tryin =p) haha.at the mo, im jus livin with the
embarassment of being the "tardy-girl" in my course. i am also tryin to
outlast those insanely *interesting* ONE and A HALF day labs with my fellow research partner, Tom (all with the help of double shot espresso in the form of a short black,
of corrs).. and clockin my regular sessions at med and science
libraries on campus, shall i say and stress, TRYING to make sense of my
lecture notes handouts that hav semmeingly
meaningless diagrams, graphs, and all too finely printed legends that
explain nuthin.anyway. .. *fun* seriously.

other times, i sit in front of this screen .. and blog!! other times i
eat, sleep, drink coffee, catch upwit friends, drink coffee, brush my
teeth, shower, drink coffee.. drink more coffee.. .. ok i think everyone gets the main
idea.. =p

~macchiato (+ 2 sachets of sugar) = small cup of coffee                                                                                                                                            = energy*

helo all.. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! not much happened today. jos was over at my place <way2gogurl,ifinallygettocatchupwitya>so we both slept like LOGS til noon (almos noon) cuz we jsu talked and talked the nite before. tsk tsk.wat do girls manage to talk about anywy.. dun we jus RUN OUT OF TOPICS OF CONVERSATION?? apparently,not. LOLS.

my holiday now is spent in BRUNEI, and hey, contrary 2 wat ppl think, brunei is not such the boring place it was before, once apon a time. haha..its TRUE!! letsee there’s THE MALL.. watch movies for $4 .. ONLY!! gawd, its like NZ$13 pertrip to the movies in ..(guess where) NZ!!!! and like 8 (or isit 9 ish sumthing not sure) in singapore.. ok well, its more expensive anywhere else i can think of 4 now anwy. yeah.. and well, there’s also the yum cha at nites YES. gud thing to do when you hav nuthing to do at that time of the nite, haha, when the only shops stil open are the kopi tiams(’cafes’).. and SHOPPING too.not much, but reasonable.. and so far this week, ive been watching movies, shopping and yum-cha-ing my time away.. LOLS.i hav fun… mayb. :p HAH!!!!

and so.. before that i hav been bumming life away.. afta exams basically i was a slug.. no wait .. wats dat they call ppl who laze…. SLOTH yes i was a sloth… i promised to work out in the gym and to go play sports .. yes i remba when exams were looming, that WAS wat i contented myself wit.. the promise of getting fit.. YE-AH RII-ITE. i was as lazy as a slug,SLOTH (sori)could get. it was SCA-RY brr.. had my 21st ‘thing’ .. * abit sad reali* i jus had dina.. but no big bash.. mom and dad, my lovely siblings, and of corrs friends stil unlucky enuf to stuck in Varsity Town this time of year. haha. oh yes, and the boyfriend 2. .. russ u were there werent u.. hmm. oh yea thats rite the pics prove it LOL (boy im going to b killed when i get back to dunners *tremble*)kidds.. haha. dina was gud, desserts was gud.. GOOD TIMES i had.. thank u all who went -smilex- i LURRVED it!!

oooh and i got Stripes (d tiger RWOARH!). i miss him *pouty pout* hes on my bed in NZ.sleeping…… hmm.mayb, he’s running wild around house and scratching at the couches in the lounge.. bad kitty! BAD BAD kitty.. LOLS.

IM FINE!!!ok well, mayb im feeling a lil *wave fingers in lil circles in the air* haha. ok forgiv me im a bit out there. mayb im goin bonkers living in a house wit jus my bro.. ….. THERAPY!! HAH.gimme sum ‘o that!!

been thinking heaps these days.. Thoughts intermittenly weaved into my exam study sessions in central. HAI~~ thinking thinking.. thought kills you. yupp. <TOO MUCH THINKING>

however, on the flip side, if i try to find a silver lining under this grey cloud… hey i mite jus b able to turn the whole negative attitude completely around. HAH!! i think, wit all these thinkings ive been doing, i would hav succeded in being a wiser person… in the field i was havin thots abt .. obviously.. (OMG i bullshitthing again. wat a load of crap!) Ahh, haha anwy, i’m entitled too.. ive jus had my 2nd paper today.. after pulling an all nighter last nite TSK TSK. At 230 pm today, i went into my BIOC 213 exam venue with jus 4 hours of sleeep in total, all dispersed throughout the wee hours of d night from 3 am up to prior to the exam. All thanks to last minute attemtps of unmerciful cramming and stuffing of information into my poor poor brain… i must say thats the most about metabolic pathways ive learnt in 24 hours, thank u.

more exams ahead. GUD LUCK to all who hav stil got papers!!! ^ ^

When a gud thing comes our way, we tend to abuse it.. (btw this is nuthin 2 do wit exams) May take ahwhile, but we inevitably commit that crime.. and once you abuse sumthing, it wont b long before the novelty of it wears off, and along with it, the pleasure it used be. It could stil deliver a ‘high’,.. jus.. NOT QUITE the same sort of exhilirating ‘high’. Your life is usually, although not always, devoted to seeking out that piece of article to supply the same high…

And the way things have always been, the regularity and routiness of life is distrupted.. which can either b good, or bad, depending on how you look at it. Its like the abuse of drugs… or deprivation diets that lead to uncontrolled binge sessions coupled to feelings of guilt and shame.. And even wit jus about anything really.. Anything thats nice and swit and gud .. we jus want more and more of it.

The IRONIC thing is, if we do get MORE and more of wat we want, it jus kinda backfires… and we eventually ruin it for ourselves at the end of the story. Hopefully, the end of that story wil jus b one of the many stories that make up the chapters of a book we each call MY  LIFE.. so that every lil ending, has a fresh lil new beginning*

It’s bizzare, but its the truth.

i swear.. starting a post is the hardest bit about writing one.. just like trying to write an essay.. you need a plan,.. like a rough sketch to start you off.. but thats the prob wit posts, you cant make a plan.! exams suck. snowboarding was awesome.. i had wanted to blog sumthin bout the trip of 3 days to clyde since the day we left clyde.. lol. life’s been too busy.

its was 3 days, only 2 days of snow and fun on the slopes.. maybe pics would be more interesting than words 4 this occasion.. they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.. haha. i didnt take too many pics tho.. i was the lazy girl with a camera ^ ^ jus figured it will be just as easy gettin pics off my friends’ cams.. which i have yet to do cuz its SO DAM DIFFICULT *sarcasm* this wud b d explaination for the number of pics with ME inside.. hahaha, or the lack thereof. Nvm.. soon they’l b up but im such a lazie.

lazie lizy .. it rhymes!